2009

Ok, so I am going to accept that I have a fear of success and work to fix it. 2009 is my year for success and for the most part, I am trying to not equate success to anything I do professionally.
I have applied for a position that I think is right up my ally and I have untied my inner self from the outcome. I am not going to be a Director this year and I am not going to get a raise no matter how hard I work thanks to the economy and the nature of what I do.

So this year, success is going to be measured in how much weight I lose, how many miles I can run consecutively, whether I can learn to plan, shop for, and prepare cleaner meals, my ability to give up coffee, and stop eating chocolate when I am sad, mad, anxious or bored, and the opportunity to raise myself and my daughter to be healthy people. Success would equate to getting back into college and pursuing my bachelor's degree, while keeping my eye on a Master's program and knowing that I can do it if I want to do it.

Yes sir, my fear of success is a few good shakes from hitting the ground and being left behind and I will not look back upon it.

I am working on selfish.

I talked to a very good friend of mine on the way home from work tonight. Recently, my husband told me that I have a fear of success and my friend lovingly confirmed that. I can succeed if it sets a good example or benefits others, but when it comes to working on my weight and health - well that is selfish and I am not selfish. It confuses me as to why I cannot wrap my arms around being selfish since my parents mastered it, but it was suggested that maybe that is why I find it so difficult. Do they have a book for this?

Sunday Ramblings

To say I am having a lazy weekend would be an understatement. I am clinching every muscle I have watching the Broncos game, so tomorrow I will be sore without breaking a sweat. It is my sincere hope to get off the couch and get some mileage in this afternoon. It looks nice outside and is supposed to be in the 70's on Tuesday, so there is really little excuse for me in the coming days. It is an event week and I do have a parent teach conference for Little this week, but still - no excuses.

So the Broncos - can anyone explain to me why there is so much discussion surrounding Brandon Marshall? I am just not a fan and don't think he outshines any of the other receivers. I think Eddie Royal is doing a bang up job and shows a lot of heart. Speaking of heart, mine is broken looking at Jason Elam in a red and black jersey standing on the Falcons sideline. I cannot imagine how I will feel looking at Matt Holiday playing for another team. Every day is no longer a Holliday for Colorado fans!

A Lazy Day

I am low energy. My mileage today sucked and I do not care! I will suffer later.

Collateral Damage is more than a movie title

So here is where I am with this....My recent plague has wiped out my flex spending, which is how I was paying for my trainer (pre-tax is the only way to go). Not only has it wiped it out, but I also owe out of pocket and yes, I have good insurance that requires me to only pay 20%, however, it is still freaking expensive.

So I am trying not to pout, but the reality is that I am pretty much on my own for the rest of the year. That being said, I walked 2 1/2 miles for exercise tonight and have an overall total of 7 miles for the day. After losing part of my lung, I am thinking that I should focus on good cardio fitness and get myself back to running more than I can right now before I really need to add weight/strength training. And I am saying this because the 2 1/2 miles was kind of tough for me. Or I could be posturing because I am aggravated at the collateral damage caused by my original misdiagnosis. Either way, wish me luck.

Cold Night Air

I ran in the cold dusk air. I ran farther than I have in a long time. I hurt, but it is the good kind. Training with Psycho Barbie is on tap for tomorrow night!

Tomorrow is another day

So we could chalk it up to the cold weather, or the chocolate I ate yesterday, or that I did not drink enough water, or that I did not eat my snack on time (read: at all), or maybe all of these things could be true. My running sucked today and to say I ran would be generous. I did get some mileage in today, but not the right kind. Let's just leave it at tomorrow is another day.